Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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