your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She told me I should be a condom model.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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