the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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