Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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