proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Is Oprah even human
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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