I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
