he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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