dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Banned from zoo.
Again?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
