the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
