The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
