why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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