If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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