Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
