She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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