Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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