I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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