Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
