Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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