It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
