Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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