dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
