she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
