I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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