u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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