i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
