3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
