Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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