there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
