Who did Billy Mays play for?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i believe in u and ur pee
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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