Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
