Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
