I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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