I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
