i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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