would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Is Oprah even human
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
