party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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