hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Randomize
