Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
