If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
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She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
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Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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