This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
