i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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