I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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