After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
