wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
