my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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