nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
