Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
