maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
