Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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