I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
