She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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