Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Who died my cat blue again?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
