The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
