I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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