Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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