I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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