I just threw up on my dentist
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
