he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
