u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
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only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
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And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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