I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
