just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
