Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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