Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize