So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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