It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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