i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
