I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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