Me too!
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
