This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
