no, he came in my armpit
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
