Please, let me fuck your mom
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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