I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
then he tried to convert me to islam
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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