Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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