I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize