I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
