It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
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Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
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I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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