I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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