So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I want to fling myself into the sun
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
